Monday, April 23, 2007

The Unified Conspiracy Theory

True, he doesn't bring the Meringovians into it, but just about every other wacky conspiracy theory under the sun comes in for its moment in this timeline:

2001: After 70 years of existence, Enron is revealed as a giant corporate shell game. Billions of dollars go missing and the retirements of countless millions of Americans are wiped out, thus ensuring longer working careers and reduced public confidence in the federal government. Sarbanes-Oxley is drafted to reduce the power of the business sector, viewed as a threat by the Cabal.

2001: Using funds from the Enron collapse, the Cabal plants explosive devices in the World Trade Center using the well-known techniques of destroying 100-storey buildings. These are detonated so as to minimize loss of life, and advanced holographic projectors fool the populace of NY into believing that two planes struck the towers. A second controlled explosion in Washington convinces people that this is part of an attack by a previously-unknown group of ragtag terrorists. In fact, three planeloads of people were taken to an orbital base to provide genetic material for advanced bio-manipulation experiments. A fourth plane, which crashed in Pennsylvania, is a fortuitous coincidence that the evil Cabal capitalizes on.

Hat Tip: Carnival of Satire.