Wednesday, July 12, 2006

War Plan Red

One of the biggest topics running around the conspiracy theory community, Loose Change among them, is Operation Northwoods. Supposedly the fact that there was a plan concocted over 40 years ago to fake a plane shootdown (not a hijacking) is somehow connected to 9/11. This is ignoring the fact that the plan did not involved the murder of thousands of Americans and destruction of billions of dollars of property, and even then was considered so farfetched that the plan was immediately dismissed by the Kennedy Administration, who themselves were hardly strangers to adventuresome foreign policy.

But still the conspiracy theorists point to the fact that a plan was conceived as proof that it somehow would be carried out. Just because someone brainstormed faking a plane crash somehow indicates that this might be done. They have never precisely demonstrated the connection, did some neo-con in the 90s come across this plan in some dark archives, or was this purely coincidental? In any case, if the mere presence of a plan indicates a possibility of it being carried out, then what other sinister operations should we prepare for?

Ladies and Gentlemen, I bring you War Plan Red. Prepare yourselves for the invasion of Canada:

The United States government does have a plan to invade Canada. It's a 94-page document called "Joint Army and Navy Basic War Plan -- Red," with the word SECRET stamped on the cover. It's a bold plan, a bodacious plan, a step-by-step plan to invade, seize and annex our neighbor to the north. It goes like this:

First, we send a joint Army-Navy overseas force to capture the port city of Halifax, cutting the Canadians off from their British allies.

Then we seize Canadian power plants near Niagara Falls, so they freeze in the dark.

Then the U.S. Army invades on three fronts -- marching from Vermont to Lake Montreal and Quebec, charging out of North Dakota to grab the railroad center at Winnipeg, and storming out of the Midwest to capture the strategic nickel mines of Ontario.

Meanwhile, the U.S. Navy seizes the Great Lakes and blockades Canada's Atlantic and Pacific ports.

At that point, it's only a matter of time before we bring these Molson-swigging, maple-mongering Zamboni drivers to their knees! Or, as the official planners wrote, stating their objective in bold capital letters: "ULTIMATELY TO GAIN COMPLETE CONTROL."

As if this weren't enough proof of their devious plans, there is even a website, in the style of PNAC, pointing out their motives http://invadecanada.us/. They have a plan, they have a motive, it is only a matter of time before those evil neo-cons carry it out, eh?

20 Comments:

At 12 July, 2006 09:15, Blogger shawn said...

Yeah, they don't seem to get that we have plans for invasion of pretty much every country on the planet.

They've obviously never heard the term "contingency plan" before.

 
At 12 July, 2006 10:16, Blogger undense said...

NO BLOOD FOR BACK BACON!

 
At 12 July, 2006 10:30, Blogger Alex said...

Back bacon? Hey, fuck you, eh? Ya hoser. There's more to Canada than Bacon, eh? We got maple syrup, hockey, and beer too!

 
At 12 July, 2006 10:32, Blogger shawn said...

There's more to Canada than Bacon, eh? We got maple syrup, hockey, and beer too!

psh we get our syrup from Vermont.

Don't you guys just call Canadian bacon ham anyway? At least Tom Green told me that.

 
At 12 July, 2006 10:43, Blogger undense said...

Can't we just work this out diplomatically?

If you promise to keep Celine Dion, Keanu Reeves, and Nickelback north of the border, we promise not to invade. You'll have to leave Pamela Anderson in the US though so her jubblies don't freeze.

Deal?

 
At 12 July, 2006 10:50, Blogger Alex said...

Don't you guys just call Canadian bacon ham anyway? At least Tom Green told me that.

Uhm, not to my knowledge. Although Peameal Bacon and Ham look pretty similar, they taste quite different.

If you promise to keep Celine Dion, Keanu Reeves, and Nickelback north of the border, we promise not to invade.

Sure, as long as you keep Michael Moore, Cindy Sheehan, and Dylan Avery south of the border :)

Besides, the last time you invaded, it didn't go so well now did it? ;)

 
At 12 July, 2006 11:03, Blogger James B. said...

I am reminded of the South Park movie:

Our government has apologized for Bryan Adams on numerous occasions!

 
At 12 July, 2006 11:20, Blogger undense said...

Sure, as long as you keep Michael Moore, Cindy Sheehan, and Dylan Avery south of the border :)

Sure. As long as by "south of the border" you mean Mexico.

Besides, the last time you invaded, it didn't go so well now did it? ;)

Good ol' Benedict Arnold.

 
At 12 July, 2006 11:21, Blogger Alex said...

"Tha Canadians have bombed the Baldwins!"

 
At 12 July, 2006 11:45, Blogger LT said...

reminds me of the segment from the Chapelle show...the white people pick(draft) Colin Powell...or something like that...

 
At 12 July, 2006 13:55, Blogger CHF said...

"Prepare yourselves for the invasion of Canada"

Fuckers! I knew you Yanks were out to get us!

Soon you'll see a CIA terror attack that'll be blamed on us Canadians. Just watch...it's commin.

 
At 12 July, 2006 14:41, Blogger Dog Town said...

Could we just settle it over a Labatts Blue while snow boarding at Whistler/Blackcomb.I cant think of much more Canada has to offer.I dont get OLM on TV,so hockey doesn't count,and BC bud looks great,but is less filling.

 
At 12 July, 2006 15:42, Blogger undense said...

Woah! I just had a massive flash of insightful CT brilliance in ANALytical thinking. I wonder if ol' Joe Kennedy was in on the plan to invade Canada (It was developed in the 30s)? Check it out. Read what the invadecanada website has to say. Now repeat this to yourself:

"Kennedy"

"Canadi"

OMFG! Are you kidding me?

The truth should be obvious to anyone with vocal cords. Ol' Joe was looking to create a namesake country. It's as obvious as the hair on your ass. How come nobody has considered this before?

I've got to get on this angle right away. I bet there are all kinds of associations with between the Kennedy's and Canada that the sheeple think are just coincidences. LOL. Coincidences? Yeah. Right. You poor deluded fools.

 
At 12 July, 2006 17:01, Blogger Dog Town said...

That is a good thought.However, Joe made enough money bootleggen,to buy off the Mob.He could have just bought Canada.In the 30's all Canada had was trees and baby seals.Not sure on the last one ,but they still have lots of trees.

 
At 12 July, 2006 17:19, Blogger undense said...

Sure, but it's like Iraq oil. Why buy it when you can steal it instead?

I'm sticking with my Kennedy/Canadi theory no matter what anyone says and all you bootlickin' working stiffs can bite me. :p

 
At 12 July, 2006 17:31, Blogger Dog Town said...

The Iraqi oil might be the most expensive theft in history.Considderen the US wont get nearly as much,as say Russia China,or even dare I say,France.Besides that was the point in the 30's there was nothen there.Not many people to buy off,by the MIB of couse.

"Snicker"

 
At 12 July, 2006 17:38, Blogger dman said...

ATTENTION !!!

All inhabitants of Canuckistan!
Heed my plea ! We promise we mean
you no harm! We offer peace, bread
and warm sunshine! Abandon your
frozen and backwards land and come
south to join your brothers!

 
At 12 July, 2006 19:33, Blogger Falco98 said...

s/did not involved/did not involve/

O:-)

 
At 13 July, 2006 11:57, Blogger Dave said...

Tom Green was right; what you call Canadian bacon we call ham. We have something called peameal bacon up here (which, naturally, uses corn meal) which comes from back bacon, which is not the same as your 'Canadian' bacon'.

Of course, regular old, nice and crispy bacon is by far the most popular. Don't even get me started on what the British call 'bacon'...

 
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