Thursday, January 18, 2007

Kudos to Chad!

Our regular commenter Chad put up a comment that I simply had to promote to the front page so that more of you could read it. Replying to the "Science Marches On!" post below, Chad commented:

That reminds me of the recent experiment I did to test the beam-weapon theory.

Taking my cues from Judy Wood herself, I constructed two towers out of a combination of Keebler's E.L. Fudge Sandwich Cookies (floor trusses), Vienna Fingers (core columns), and Wheatables Crackers (exterior columns).

I then stole my neighbors Heavy Duty Craftsman Wet/Dry Vac and re-wired it from "suck" to "blow". (Safety Note: If you are unfamiliar with the electrical workings of appliances like I am, make sure the equipment is not plugged into a power source. I received a nasty shock while converting the device and now suffer from a constant buzzing in my brain that suspiciously sounds like Dick Cheney humming "Old Man River".) I then duct-taped a funnel over the vaccuum hose to concentrate the "beam" of "energy" into a more focused stream.

I placed my confectionary towers out on the sidewalk and took my reconfigured beam weapon up to the roof of my apartment building to simulate the distance from space. (Editor's note: I found that roof access was strictly prohibited in my building complex. Undoubtedly, the building is owned and operated by the NWO who had gotten wind of my experiment and were trying to impede my progress. Ironically, the door was unlocked....) I then aimed the hose/funnel at the towers, and turned the vac on.

Approximately five and a half days later, the fudge in the floor trusses started to melt. Ignoring the fact that some asshole Jersey driver drove up onto the sidewalk and ran over my towers, thereby destroying them, I am positive that the buildings were about to instantaneously disintegrate into a fine, pulverized, crumb-like dust.

This is proof positive that a beam weapon was used.

Funniest. Comment. Ever!


At 18 January, 2007 14:44, Blogger Alex said...

Funniest. Comment. Ever!

I don't know....his experiment involving exploding hummingbirds was pretty damn funny too :)

At 18 January, 2007 14:44, Blogger CHF said...

Just brilliant, Chad!

Right up there with your WTC model where the hummingbird slammed into it or the clay Towers that turned solid from fire.

"The only explanation is that I'm a retard and have no fucking clue what I'm doing."


At 18 January, 2007 14:54, Anonymous Anonymous said...

All hail, Chad!

I agree, it had me rolling on the floor.

At 18 January, 2007 15:39, Blogger Lying_Dylan said...

Holy Chit,
Is BG going to pull a PD soon?

At 18 January, 2007 18:04, Blogger The Artistic Macrophage said...

Isnt it proof that it was a giant vehicle from New Jersey that brought down the


At 18 January, 2007 18:13, Blogger shawn said...

Completely OT but...

What happened was that the leave a penny take a penny empire became so big that the government had to take them out by filling a 747 with loose change from people's pockets and take out the World Trade Center. It all makes sense now

Hassan Mikal making fun of a post (on a philosophy board of all places) linking Loose Change in the Weekend Web feature at Something Awful.

At 19 January, 2007 06:55, Blogger James B. said...

Chad is obviously COINTELPRO attempting to spread disinformation. Everyone knows that floor trusses are best modeled using Keebler Scooby Doo crackers.

At 19 January, 2007 07:27, Blogger Stevew said...

That reminds me of the time I tried an experiment of my own. After watching numerous videos found on YouTube and Google Video, I was convinced that what happend to the towers was not a result of fire or structural damage.

To prove this I made two tall hollow square tubes out of clay. These were to represent the towers. I then took my mechanical Bic pencil and poked many many holes in one face of each "tower". This was to simulate the damage done by the supposed planes.

My next step could be argued as overkill, but I placed each tower in a kiln. This was to simulate the fire. Now, we all know that clay is not as strong as steel, so I figured the raging inferno inside the oven would positively vaporize both of my clay structures.

Imagine my suprise when, upon removing them from the kiln, I found them to be hard as a rock!! The fire actually made the towers MORE stable!!! (I thought to myself, that they were almost like trees.)

This begged the question then: What brought the towers down? If the fire actually made the buildings stronger, some foriegn force must've been at work.

I took a hammer out and whacked the towers to simulate Bush whacking the towers with a hammer... Nothing. I shot at them with an AK-47 to simulate Israeli soldiers shooting at them with AK-47s... Still nothing!!

Finally, I went down to Ace Hardware and picked up some yellow cake. I made myself two mini-nuclear bombs and detonated each at the base of the towers (always wear protective goggles).

That was the one to do it, although not as I expected. It seems from my observations that the strength of the outer tube carried the force of the nuclear blast up vertically to the top of each tower whereby it proceeded to facilitate collapse at the areas weakened by my Bic, from the top down.

I have proceeded to post my findings on reputable websites known for hating this administration and have found them to be very well received for some reason.

This is concrete proof that the government story is a sham.

At 19 January, 2007 07:56, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the front page mention and kudos guys!

Although, admittedly... it's getting more and more difficult to one-up the stupidity of these experiments.

But as long as they keep doing them....


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